How to Praise Your Child Effectively and Promote Positive Behavior

by: Mary E. Qualters, LCSW-R

A child with Neurobiological Disorders such as, ADD, ADHD, Autism and/or Anxiety, Depression, Rage or Anger Disorders may constantly complain and whine about being bored and appear uninterested in doing anything. When feeling bored, your son or daughter may create problems and chaos in your household and at school by annoying and antagonizing adults and other children, blurting out inappropriate things, disrupting any activity going on and refusing to take responsibility for their actions. In boredom states, children are often not remorseful.

Possible reasons for this behavior may include depression, brain function problems with focusing and organizing, and feeling powerless in mastering their school and/or home environments.

How then do you effectively promote positive behaviors in your child?

One approach is…

PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE!

This is a simple, yet powerful parenting tool, which can be highly effective in helping reinforce the behaviors you want your son or daughter to exhibit, and most importantly, it helps them feel valued, successful, loved and willing to show behavior that is more appropriate.

Praise is very powerful.

Praise points:

· Flow freely and often, praising at least 5 times more than criticizing.

· Avoid statements that are too general such as “You did a great job,” or “That’s a beautiful painting.” Comments such as these, while good intentioned, may trigger the child’s self-doubt or be misconstrued as phony. Be specific and praise your child acknowledging the particular things you liked about what they did.

· Identify the specifics of the behavior to be praised. For example, you might say, “I really like how you picked your clothes up off the floor and put them away in our closet. I also noticed how much you care about your dirty clothes and instead of leaving them in the corner of your room, you put them in the hamper. I appreciate it when you do that. It means a lot to me.”

Rule of Thumb: Praise your child 5 times more than criticizing. This point is key! Over time, you will notice more willingness from your child to comply with your requests. Remember to focus on their strengths, staying as positive as possible. This will motivate you and your child, resulting in a more peaceful household and a more loving and rewarding relationship.

Mary E. Qualters, LCSW-R is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Owner/Director of The Chakra Garden, Center for Mind/Body Healing in Albany, NY. She is a practicing Holistic Psychotherapist and specializes in counseling parents of children and teenagers with neurobiological and psychological disorders, teaching them behavioral management strategies to create a self-confident child and a more peaceful home environment.